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literature
Passing Through
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Literature Text
Thrifty shadows surrender me,
Lovers surround me,
Dig holes in my body
With tickly pink armies.
Fingertipping their way to me,
Ghost-picking, play through me,
Rawhide and wishbone
And bloodthirsty artery.
Pressing each cell in me,
Shifting the heart of me,
Crashing through channels
Held loose by captivity.
Flowing an end to me,
Leaving to render me,
Screaming hot moments
Of sun-cracking novelty.
Lovers surround me,
Dig holes in my body
With tickly pink armies.
Fingertipping their way to me,
Ghost-picking, play through me,
Rawhide and wishbone
And bloodthirsty artery.
Pressing each cell in me,
Shifting the heart of me,
Crashing through channels
Held loose by captivity.
Flowing an end to me,
Leaving to render me,
Screaming hot moments
Of sun-cracking novelty.
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I like this much more when I read it slowly. I don't know if it's the same for you, but give it a try.
I know 'fingertipping' is a bit of a tongue-tripper, which is usually taboo, but I like that effect. It makes you pause. I don't know, does it work? If not, I may change it.
I know 'fingertipping' is a bit of a tongue-tripper, which is usually taboo, but I like that effect. It makes you pause. I don't know, does it work? If not, I may change it.
© 2006 - 2024 RoderE
Comments2
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I think it's gorgeous - the last line in particular. My only criticisms are that there could be some potential for vocabulary tweaks, and that the first verse doesn't seem to match the others; the third line kinda rhymes with the "me"s and the "armies" of the fourth doesn't, if you see what I mean. Eh, I'm a pedant. Other than that, it's really lovely 